“Leadership is not about you. It’s about the people you serve.” These words by leadership expert Simon Sinek encapsulate a crucial truth: great leaders meet their people where they are. In the bustling business climate in which we operate today, it’s tempting to lead based on what works for you, what’s worked elsewhere, or what the latest leadership book suggests. But in reality, leadership is highly individual. What works for one team member may fail for another. True leadership requires understanding each team member’s unique situation and crafting a personalized approach.
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The Power of Inquiry: Leading by Asking, Not Telling
In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey highlights the importance of inquiry, stating, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Inquiry allows leaders to unlock insights they might never discover by simply issuing commands. When you ask questions like, "What are your current challenges?" or "How do you think we can improve this?" you invite your team member into the conversation.
Gallup research reinforces the importance of asking thoughtful questions and listening attentively. Employees who feel heard are far more engaged and productive. Inquiry fosters a sense of ownership and involvement, making the team member an active participant in shaping their work and career path.
Listening Attentively: The Gift of Full Attention
Listening is a superpower that most leaders underutilize. Too often, we listen with the intent to respond, not to understand. But when you truly listen—without interrupting or judging—you give your team member space to share openly. This form of active listening is crucial to building trust.
McKinsey's research on organizational health emphasizes that effective communication is rooted in empathetic listening. Leaders who make their team feel understood are more likely to foster loyalty, engagement, and higher performance. By creating an environment where your team knows they can speak and be genuinely heard, you also open the door to deeper insights and solutions that may never have surfaced otherwise.
Patience and Respect: Letting the Process Unfold
“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet,” Aristotle wisely noted. Leaders often feel the pressure to push for immediate results, especially in the fast-moving world in which we find ourselves. But true transformation, whether in behavior, mindset, or performance, takes time. When guiding a team member, you must allow space for them to learn, make mistakes, and adjust.
Respecting where someone is on their journey—rather than forcing them to move at your pace—creates an environment of trust. Harvard Business Review highlights that leaders who practice patience cultivate more resilient and adaptable teams. Leading with respect and patience sends the message that you value the person’s growth as much as the organization’s success.
Empathy: Seeing the World Through Their Eyes
Brené Brown, in her work on vulnerability and leadership, reminds us that "Empathy is feeling with people." As a leader, your job is to step into your team member’s shoes. What are they struggling with? What motivates them? Understanding the answers to these questions will help you tailor your approach.
Empathy is especially important when inviting a team member to reconsider their behavior, change course, or set new goals. According to Deloitte’s research on leadership, empathy is a critical trait in high-performing leaders. Leaders who lead with empathy are better equipped to guide their team through personal and professional growth.
Co-Creating a Plan: The Path to Ownership and Commitment
Leadership is not dictating what should happen; it’s co-creating a roadmap for success. When a leader and team member sit down together to develop a plan, both sides bring their unique perspectives. This collaborative process leads to a deeper level of commitment.
Paul J. Meyer’s Goal Planning System™ emphasizes the importance of shared vision. By co-creating a plan, you ensure that both you and your team member are aligned in your expectations and goals. It’s about much more than hitting performance metrics—it’s really about creating an environment where both parties feel invested in the outcome. This co-creation also leaves room for adjustments, as team members grow and develop over time.
Inviting Reflection on Behavior, Timing, and Career Path
Asking a team member to reflect on their behavior, their timing, and their goals can be empowering and transformational. It gives them the opportunity to take ownership of their actions and their career trajectory. Sometimes this involves inviting them to think about where they are now versus where they want to be in the future.
When a team member can see the consequences of their actions and the opportunities ahead, they are more likely to make changes. According to a study by Harvard Business Review, teams that engage in reflective practices like this are 23% more productive. Moreover, this kind of reflection helps align personal aspirations with organizational goals, creating a more cohesive and motivated team.
Building the Future: Goals, Expectations, and Next Steps
The final piece of the leadership puzzle is to set clear expectations, goals, and next steps. This doesn’t mean dictating what the future should look like—it means working together to outline a shared vision. Once both leader and team member are aligned, the path forward becomes much clearer.
McKinsey research emphasizes that clear expectations lead to higher levels of accountability and performance. By mapping out next steps, both parties become clear about what’s expected, and they also generate a roadmap for how to get there.
This process of co-creating the future ensures that the team member knows what success looks like, and more importantly, they know how to achieve it.
The Journey, Not the Destination
Leadership does not require getting your team to where you are. It demands walking alongside them, guiding them based on their individual needs, challenges, and potential. Through inquiry, listening, empathy, and collaboration, you can help your team grow into the best versions of themselves. When both leader and team member work together to craft a plan for the future, you create a culture of trust, respect, and mutual success.
Remember the words of Lao Tzu: “A leader is best when people barely know he exists. When his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.”
You’re not just leading your team—you’re empowering them to lead themselves.
Renwick Brutus' career has spanned roles as research economist, investment advisor, entrepreneur and consultant. He holds an MBA from Fordham University and has been recognized for his outstanding achievement in sales and business leadership. Today, Renwick applies his unique blend of business strategy and interpersonal skills to help individuals prosper and companies grow. He owns multiple companies and is in great demand to consult with business leaders. Contact him by email and LinkedIn.
References:
Covey, Stephen. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Free Press, 1989.
Gallup. The State of the American Workplace. 2017.
McKinsey & Company. The Importance of Listening in Leadership. 2021.
Deloitte. The Empathy Imperative: How Leaders Can Foster Psychological Safety. 2020.
Meyer, Paul J. Effective Strategic Leadership. Leadership Management International 2021.
Brown, Brené. Dare to Lead. Random House, 2018.
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